Whats the big deal?
Fear foods are particular foods which provoke a large amount of anxiety and discomfort to the mind they can be different for each individual. We avoid these foods like the plague because something in our eating disorder mind has told us these foods are particularly NOT GOOD for our weight – even if we have the smallest, most tiny serving ie not even allowed a single square of chocolate, a single lollie or a single chocolate coated almond.
We often completely eliminate these foods and ingredients from our diet and the thought of consuming these foods is the pinnacle of anxiety and mental turmoil.
These fear foods and ingredients control us, they are labelled in our brain as ‘bad food’, and dictate what we can and cannot eat. It makes living a normal lifestyle very challenging, plain and repetitive. They are called “fear” foods – because that’s exactly what they are. For someone who is afraid of spiders, to be exposed to a spider is extremely anxious, feeling like a panic and unable to focus on anything else. This is exactly what it is like except for certain foods.
For example, I would stress about ordering a salad when I went out because of the oil in the dressing. I hated ordering toast with brekkie because they would put butter or margarine on it. I shat myself when at my friends party the only snack options were chips, crackers or dips – all so high calories.
It is strange because often these ‘fear foods’ are foods our previous self used to love and enjoy eating, some of our favourite things to eat. Which is why the mental battle in our brain is so loud and controlling – because we deep down want a taste and want to eat the food so badly we have deprived our self of , but the eating disorder says no way.
Where do they come from?
Personally, fear foods for me have stemmed from both my love of these foods and my knowledge of the calorie content of most of these foods.
I used to avoid these foods because they might break my calorie bank. So little food for so many calories – what a waste of calories.
I thought in that case, I would gain a lot more weight (this is what the disordered brain told me) so I included them less and less in my diet as I became more and more restrictive, until I completely stopped including them.
Then it became too hard, and too stressful to try and include them when I had the opportunity or just simply felt like eating them.
One of the first tasks in recovery for me was to identify these fear foods, because they are things which ruin our relationship with food.
To identify, all we do is get a drawn up table with the food groups.
For each food group (protein, carbs, fats, calcium rich foods, fun foods), there are 3 categories:
1 – I do not avoid these foods/ingredients
2 – I somewhat avoid these foods/ingredients and it provokes some anxiety
3 – I completely avoid these food groups/ingredients or they give me a lot of anxiety.
How do we beat them?
The list is often very long due to our rigid eating pattern and its the foods we avoid more which are the important ones to focus on.
For example, Fear foods and ingredients that I have and still am working through have included the following:
- Marinated meats
- Oil – cooking oil.
- Spreads (ie butter, peanut butter and nutella)
- Cheese
- Avocado
- Nuts and nut bars
- Crumbed meats
- Bread
- Full fat yoghurt, milk, cheeses, sauces, etc
- Pasta
- Toppings, sauces and dressings.
- Fried food – ie hot chips, fish and chips
- Schnitzels – chicken parmy
- Pizza
- Garlic bread
- Lollies and chocolates
- decedent desserts
- Alcoholic drinks
Like many fears, the best, and only way to address these fears are to expose ourselves to it. time and time again, so we rewire our thoughts and learn that there is really nothing to fear and what is actually logical.
For example, each 2 weeks of therapy I would pick 2-3 fear foods to tackle for a fortnight (letting the psychologist know).
The psychologist would then drive the conversation and ask how often and how much I would be willing to eat this food. She would then always make me eat more than I said I was as comfortably, uncomfortabe doing.
For example, targeting peanut better I said I might eat 1 tablespoon every 2 days. She then made me eat 2 tablespoons each day.
Pasta, I would be comfortable eating is 1x per week. She made me eat it 3 times per week.
We would then re-evaluate after the 2 weeks how comfortable I felt eating these foods now – and if I am no longer feeling anxiety then the goal has been achieved and I need to ensure I often include them in my diet to prevent lapse – ie now I include a meal of pasta 1x per week, on different nights of the week (to avoid my mind creating different rules about when I am and not allowed to eat pasta)
This is a long process, as you can see there are a lot of ingredients and foods I fear – and many more. At the moment I am tackling avocado – however I cannot deduct cheese now that I am including avocado (ie I have now added avocado into a sandwich, the eating disorder wants me to now take away the cheese to compensate for the added avocado). It’s tedious and tricky, but it’s small steps at a time.
Although It is not nice to provoke your anxiety, surround yourself with loved ones, keep your mind busy and actually enjoy the taste of the food for exactly what it is – just food.
I can happily say I am now enjoying home made gnocchi weekly and my veggies taste a million times better now I am using some cooking oil xxxx
