I’m sure there are a lot of people out there whom wish they were addicted to exercise, and why not? Regular exercise improves so many aspects of someone’s health. Heart health, lung health, bone and joint health, muscle health, mental health, the list goes on. But being addicted to exercise, to exercise compulsively is, however, not good for health, and is extremely detrimental to someone – It is 4 times more common in people with an eating disorder. That means it’s no surprise it has been, and still is something I have experienced – let me give you some insight to our minds and how much rest is important, especially if you’re battling an eating disorder.
More does NOT equal better
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE exercise. It is a true part of me to keep fit, active and strong. I get a massive thrill out of being fitter, more athletic, faster and so on. It’s part of my identity – I think it always will be. Throughout my entire life I have always looked to be better, to improve myself and my athletic performance. There is no limit to how much better I perceive I can get and that’s how I have always looked at my training. It was performance oriented training, the purpose was to perform better, and to be smart about what and how much I was doing.
However, spiraling into an eating disorder my training started going from performance oriented to compulsive, overloaded, compensatory driven exercise. It was no longer ‘training’, it was just exercise.
Training 2 times each day, gym and a run. Some days I would run 15-20 km and then hit the gym for a solid 2 hour ‘leg sesh’ afterwards (of course I was not eating to refuel either). Other days, where I only did 1 formal activity, I would still HAVE to hit 24,300 steps in that day, at least (specific I know) – at least 22,600 on each other day.
I would exercise if I was unwell and injured, or just did not feel like it. Although I would never admit it then, that I was compulsively exercising – I absolutely was.
We feel guilty, the guilt haunts us for days If we skipped a run or a gym session. We schedule our life around our exercise, and If our strict routine was threatened then we become extremely agitated and generally pissed off.
I was extremely fearful I would gain a lot of weight if I only missed 1 session. I feared rest, I feared sitting still and not moving for too long.
It’s interesting, because my full time job is to prescribe exercise for people, tell them when they need more and less and when rest is okay, rest is good. However as much as I knew this – I simply couldn’t take on my own advice… The eating disorder couldn’t take on that advice, how illogical is that?
Unfortunately, when I perforated a gastric ulcer and got very very ill I was forced to stop exercise – orders from the doctors and importantly my psychologist. I don’t think I would have stopped if this didn’t happen. I was at EXTREMELY high level of injury risk, and at that stage it was mentally unhealthy to my recovery. I honestly fucken hated it. I was angry, moody, agitated and obsessed with wanting to move, my mind was constantly telling me to at least get up and do standing marching, or go for a small walk, do push ups or sit ups when nobody’s looking – anything. My body needed all the energy to heal, heal my stomach and my bones my body didn’t get enough energy to function well as it was, let alone with addition of exercise. I was forced to rest – something I and so many people was scared of.
I was away from the gym and running for about 4-5 months. I know this sounds so so scary, and I have been there, where I cannot fathom life without exercise. But I did it and I am so glad I allowed myself to rest and reconnect with my body and nature.
However, there will always be a part of us at risk of spiralling again. I recently found myself exercising with broken ribs – yes, it was sore, and running when it would likely be detrimental to my recovery and athletic performance. At the time, I would never admit it is compulsive, but it absolutely is.
Fortunately (and unfortunately), I am forced to take a step back from exercise and tap into rest again. With a bung ankle requiring surgery I have been out of full steam action for a couple months again now. As much as this grinds my gears and gives me the absolute shits, this time around I know things will get back on track.
My body is still not functioning as they should from being malnourished, It takes a long time to adjust. I haven’t had a regular menstrual cycle for about 2 years – this is NOT healthy, my bone density is low and my body functions are still catching up. It is super common for female hormones to be up shit creek and to have osteopenia when struggling with an eating disorder.
We are hardly providing ourselves with enough energy to function as human beings. Exercise and burning calories WILL delay the process of healing.
I wish to one day have the option to have children
I don’t want to have osteoporosis by the time you’re 30
I want to feel happy, I want to feel emotions
I want my organs to work as they should and I just want to be a healthy and happy women…
Rest is only temporary. The burden of not resting could last your lifetime. Think about that
Thank goodness for rest, because this forced period of rest I have got my 1st and 2nd cycle (never thought I’d be so happy to have sore nips). I am chill, it is okay to rest – I can assure you, If I can rest, anyone can rest.
Tap into your values and check yourself and how you want your health to be in the future and rest is best for now.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is your reason to exercise right now?
- If exercise didn’t change the way you look, would you still exercise?
- What movement will make you feel good?
As mentioned I like to keep myself in check and the following instagram platforms are excellent resources about the importance of rest, eating disorders and female health:
